It has been a little while, just like a lot of other places that I write a whole lot of words for, since I was brought back to this one.
This one is where I write things that matter to ME, specifically, and right now, I can state that it has been a while since I have slept through the night. I fall asleep most of the time because I just cannot, sometimes, during “normal people” hours, stay awake.
At 4 A.M. , I am sitting here writing things that might make sense another time, or at least be writing about things that make sense. I just know that there are people who will lie to each other, and others who will do that AND lie to themselves, and they are also the ones who are fabulous at lying through omission – and they are the worst ones of all.
And I know it.
I know that my life has been made to become this hell because of a lot of things that could have been prevented had people just damned well listened a long time ago and used that thing called common sense and that other thing, called compassion and one more thing…empathy.
Empathy is a funny thing, you know?
We all have it.
It is not limited to people like me who actually practice AND teach The Craft. I Am not one who holds onto the things that she thinks are bullshit, and the things that I think are bullshit are the things that other people want the rest of our shared world to know is their specific truth about who I Am.
Who I Am no matter the time is no oneʻs business, and Who I Am, no matter what anyone wants to think about me, even though I have been told, again and again, that I “ought to know better”…
Better than what? Being who I Am, or Being who I Am NOT???? And really, letʻs be honest, that is what this is really all about, and that is why I am who has to be done wrong to like this…no, not in the …paperwork…sense but in the ….Soul sense….because I have all kinds of both of those things…Sense AND Soul, and well, my big scary man god does not exist because he was big and scary and a man and god…fuck that.
…”Know better”….oh yeah – because, you know – I would ALWAYS believe in my momʻs god, right? Because I am not supposed to be who I Am, even though I Am phenomenal at Being Who I Am. I Am not going to Lie – I Am a Truthteller – I Am not a Christian, so please get over one of the HUGE reasons that you ALL want to banish me, and whatever you do or donʻt do – remember that I KNOW the meanings to ALL of these words that I Am Writing at 4 AM while I Am giving a …haha….Spelling Lesson…in a way that my students of the Divine Arts are not expecting.
They know that from me, they can expect the unexpected and for them, it is not a secret that I Am focused on what it is that I Am dealing with right this moment, and at this time in the morning, the thought in my head that makes me want to cry is about Who I Am to ….a few people who ought to know the fuck better…
I donʻt want to be the family soap opera anymore, and I found out how I have been that, and how much I have been judged, and harmed, and expected to bounce back from it and really, the Spelling Lesson is many-fold in that, people are and have been, for many years, discussing Who I Am to Them and well…. it doesnʻt matter who anyone thinks THEY are and by what fucking right they think they are what they really are NOT….
Who I Am is not up for discussion, really…but, it is ALWAYS up for discussion, because people who cannot help themselves want to help me by making me go backwards, not realizing that the damage that THAT is causing is …well, my guy has a term for it – the things that are being done TO me ….NOT FOR ME- MAKE NO MISTAKE …I would KNOW if they were, and if someone wants to be point blank with me, go for it .
Just do not forget that I have that same right and ability, too, and when I Am being THAT me, well…we shall say that I do not like lying, because I get caught. This means that I was NEVER any good at it, not even in writing, because I always got caught – no matter what, I got and get caught and this time, when it is a big huge thing and people are making light, it seems, of one condition versus another, placing a wrong perception of power into the one pair of hands that are not the right pair, and just to know this much is the truth?
And no one can deny the truth, and it seems like people have decided that truth is relative, but in my case, it is absolute. That is the thing about truth, and truth in motives, and truth in action, and truth in response and/or RE-action (because again….I Am very GOOD at what I do…and it is my perception of things that are NOT being blatantly said that is REALLY prompting me to write this blog post, where I will typically stretch my…writing prowess in terms of spells….to their limit in terms of metaphor…but for this one thing, we shall say that my intentions are very clear in this, if a person reads it correctly…if not, then I hope you enjoy being entertained by the things that you do not understand….so in either case please…keep reading)….that while we might be able to lie, through whatever means it is that we are most comfortable with…that is the lie that we will tell, or, through omission, NOT tell.
Yeah….”the lie we are most comfortable with…”
It makes my Magickal Skin crawl, really. I Am one of those….examples…of the victims of ….alternative truths as spouted by those who follow the god damned lord.
Yeah…makes your eyes hurt, doesnʻt it, to read those words that someone like me would put into writing…that some peoplesʻ god is damned, cause he is their lord, and their lord says that it is okay to …continue to try to …control…people…through their emotional selves and well, for women like me?
The Magickal Sort?
Control me, or continue to try to and continue to believe that you are doing just THAT???? ARE YOU KIDDING ME, SIRS????
Let me put it to you THIS way (and you can praise your god damned lord, scratch your fucking eyes out if it offends you – because know now, I am very ADEPT at my practice, and this is not a threat but A FACT and yeah…if I Am prompted to do so, indeed to use it wisely…and that, folks who are reading this right now, is what I Am up to…so please keep reading….)
Read that again please, and realize the thing about the time – I am awake, listening to the day begin, and that here I Am, at this juncture of time when I have GOT TO find another place to live, and really, I suppose, that at this time in the morning, the thing that I think I Am doing is actually calling on all of my fellow…people who Spell…
It is now 5 AM
For me, it is that thing called The Witching Hour, and it might as well be that time of the morning that most women refer to as being “Me” time but in my case my “Me” time is never always and only about me. I have one of those groups and am very much part of this bunch called a “family” and within it there are people who call me “Mom.” Those people are depending on me to make this thing that happened not be, and the only way that it will not be is if I find us a new place to live.
So I Am reaching out to the women in my world, and asking your assistance in a global prayer, calling on my fellow Practitioners and Teachers of the Divine Feminine Arts, the Occult Arts, and the Women, on this planet, Who, like Me, are right now having to look beyond the blood relations for the security that, as long as you cower to their rules, and as long as you pander to their egos and as long as you give up who you are for their rules, they will Love you, will understand you and will not bring you harm.
And the moment that you come away from that thought and the moment that you break from that energy….they want to literally, think and believe that they are allowed to, legally, through manipulating your fears through silence, through their insulting your very intelligence and of course, for the things that they have been doing to you all of your life because you simply cannot live any other way than with the Truth that has ALWAYS protected you….and I Am asking for your assistance in a prayer, now that I think about it, that is not only for me, but for us.
Pray for us all, my Sisters who are part of the Global Coven, part of the Sisterhood of The Soul that is deep and true and strong.
To believe that people will be this way to family, to A Mom with her kids, and to know, to just know that it is this Momʻs with her kidsʻ family who has made it so that this mom with her kids would feel compelled to, rather than ask for assistance in bringing their karma to them faster, help me bring my Dharma to me, to you, to us all.
At 5 AM, no matter where you are, you are thinking things that you ought to not think. Ladies, and a few gentlemen…letʻs bring our power together, as one, thank the Goddess that we are Who We Are.
Indeed, pray for us all…we are going to be those people who bring the planet back to Life, and we are going to be, already are those who are not afraid to Do what we Do, Be Who We Are, Love the World and right now, my part of the world is in need of shelter, in need of a place for me to continue my work in #PlantMedicine.